What to Do After a Loved One Dies: How to Manage Their Estate, Personal Items, and Belongings
Losing a loved one is an incredibly difficult experience, and the task of sorting through their belongings can feel daunting and emotional. Whether you're figuring out what to keep, what to donate, or simply how to get started, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed during this challenging time.
In this post, we'll guide you through the process of handling a loved one’s possessions with care and thoughtfulness. From practical steps to emotional considerations, our goal is to support you in honoring your loved one’s memory while making this difficult time a little bit easier to manage.
First Steps to Take After Someone Passes Away
When a loved one passes away, everything can feel overwhelming, especially during such a difficult and emotional time. It’s important to begin by obtaining a legal pronouncement of death. Take it one step at a time and give yourself some grace during this period.
Was your loved one LGBTQIA? Click here for some important things to consider.
Obtain a Legal Pronouncement of Death - Please note: A Legal Pronouncement of Death is NOT the same thing as a death certificate! This should be done immediately, within 5 days of death. If no doctor is present, arrange for someone to make this official declaration. If your loved one was under hospice care at home, the hospice nurse can declare the death and assist with transportation arrangements. If the death occurs at home without hospice care, call 911. If there’s a do-not-resuscitate (DNR) document, have it ready; otherwise, paramedics may start emergency procedures and transport your loved one to an emergency room for a doctor to make the declaration. What if they pass while away from home, like during a vacation or work trip? Click here to find out more information.
Get a Death Certificate - A death certificate is essential for managing legal and financial matters. In most cases, you’ll get this from the hospital or care facility where your loved one passed away. If the death occurs at home, request it from the attending physician or the coroner's office. The "green form," or Medical Certificate of Cause of Death, is typically issued by the doctor or coroner and is needed to apply for the official death certificate.
Arrange Transportation for Your Loved One - If no autopsy is needed, you can contact a mortuary or crematorium to arrange for transportation. By law, mortuaries must provide price information over the phone, so don’t hesitate to ask. If an autopsy is required, the body will need to be transported to a medical examiner or coroner's office.
4. Notify the Necessary Authorities and Loved Ones - Inform the person’s doctor or the county coroner as needed. This ensures that all legal and medical documentation is properly handled. If your loved one was still working, contact their employer to notify them and inquire about any benefits, pay due, or a potential life insurance policy.
5. Reach Out to Your Support Network - This is also a good time to reach out to your support network. Let your family and friends know, and consider asking them to help inform others. Remember: it’s okay to ask for help!
6. Care for Dependents and Pets - Ensure that any dependents your loved one cared for are taken care of. Making these arrangements can provide some comfort and stability amidst the changes.
As for their animals, check their will for things like a Pet Trust. We recommend following the Humane Society’s process for pet estate planning, but if the deceased did not do so, there are other options, such as posting in local Facebook groups, contacting no-kill shelters and rescues, and considering fostering or adoption.
Step 7: How to Handle All the STUFF
The next important step is to manage your loved one’s possessions. This task can be both emotionally challenging and logistically complex, but handling their belongings with care and respect is essential. Here’s how to approach this process:
Take a Deep Breath
As you step into the home and survey the space, you’re immediately enveloped by a wave of emotions and memories. The familiar surroundings are now tinged with a profound sense of loss, and every item you see—whether it’s a photograph, a piece of furniture, or a simple household object—brings with it a flood of memories and a reminder of their presence in your life. The weight of their absence can make the task of sorting through their belongings feel overwhelming.
In this moment, it’s important to allow yourself the space to pause and truly feel what you’re experiencing. Take a deep breath, giving yourself permission to acknowledge the mix of sadness, nostalgia, and even confusion or anger that may be rushing over you.
It’s okay to feel a range of emotions as you face this part of the process.
Remember, this isn’t just about organizing items—it’s about honoring the life and memories of your loved one. Each item represents a part of their story and their time with you. As you begin the challenging task of sorting through their things, approach it with a sense of reverence and respect. Allow yourself to move through this process at your own pace, knowing that it’s a significant step in celebrating their life and finding closure.
Decide Where to Start
Choosing where to begin can feel like the most daunting part of this process. It’s important to remember that there is no “right” place to start, and you cannot do it incorrectly. Embrace the idea that each step you take is part of a journey towards organizing and honoring your loved one’s memory.
If it helps, select a single room to begin with. This approach can create a sense of order amidst the emotional and physical clutter. I find it comforting to focus on one room at a time, as it helps contain the chaos and allows you to work through things more methodically. Imagine tackling a single space, rather than trying to piece together scattered documents or items throughout the entire house.
By starting in one place, you can create a small sense of accomplishment and gradually work through the process with greater ease. Allow yourself to take it one step at a time, knowing that each room you organize brings you closer to a clearer, more manageable space.
This is also the perfect time to bring in a professional organizer. Their role extends far beyond just providing expertise. Professionals offer a compassionate approach to handling such a sensitive task, offering a structured plan to follow as well as practical solutions for sorting and managing items. They can alleviate some of the emotional and physical burden from your shoulders, providing efficient sorting methods and specific steps to follow to prevent you from getting stuck. With their experience in estate management and personal belongings, they can also offer support and understanding, helping you navigate this challenging time with greater comfort and clarity. By working with someone who understands both the practical and emotional dimensions of sorting through belongings, you can find additional comfort and clarity, making the process a little easier to bear.
“Our memories are within us, not within our things.”
Sort Through Belongings
As you embark on the delicate journey of sorting through your loved one’s possessions, you’re stepping into a deeply emotional experience. Begin by gently organizing their belongings into categories such as personal, valuable, or everyday items. This approach can provide some much-needed structure, but remember that each item carries its own unique and poignant piece of their life.
At this stage, keep it simple and focus solely on sorting. You’re not making any decisions yet! If you’re struggling with categories, here’s a few suggestions:
Furniture
Clothing and Accessories
Jewelry
Photographs/Memories/Keepsakes
Kitchenware, China, and Glassware
Art and Home Decor
Linens
Books and Paper
Tools
Electronics
Miscellaneous
Feel the weight of their presence in every photograph, every piece of jewelry, every worn-out book. Each object carries memories, moments, and emotions that may touch your heart deeply.
Allow yourself to move through this process with kindness and patience, taking time to honor the significance of each piece.
It’s okay to pause and reflect as you handle these cherished items. Allow yourself to feel the memories and emotions that arise, and take comfort in the connections they represent.
This is a moment to celebrate their life and to gently navigate the bittersweet task of preserving their legacy.
Decide What to Keep, Discard, or Donate
Next, you'll need to figure out which items are truly important to you and worth keeping, and which ones you can let go of or donate. This part can be tough, so take it slow and be gentle and kind to yourself. It's okay if it feels challenging—give yourself permission to take your time and make decisions at your own pace.
Let’s guide you through the process of looking at each item. Go through all the items in one category before moving onto the next category.
As you look at each item, ask yourself the following questions:
Is This Important to Me? - Start by considering the sentimental value of each item. This can be one of the most emotionally charged aspects of sorting through your loved one’s belongings. Take a moment to ask yourself: Does this object evoke a special memory or hold a deeper significance? Think about items like family heirlooms, which may have been passed down through generations and carry with them a piece of your family’s history. These treasures are often imbued with stories and traditions that have shaped your family’s identity. Similarly, cherished gifts that your loved one received or gave may hold personal connections and fond memories. They could remind you of moments shared, celebrations, or milestones that were significant to them. Personal keepsakes are another category worth reflecting on. These might include handwritten letters, favorite books, or handmade crafts. Each of these items may have a unique story attached, reflecting your loved one’s personality, experiences, and relationships. As you evaluate these sentimental items, remember that getting rid of a physical object doesn’t erase the memory or significance it holds. The memories, love, and meaning associated with these items reside within you and your heart. While the object itself may be let go, the emotions and memories connected to it will always remain. Keeping a few meaningful pieces can be a way to preserve your loved one’s legacy, but it's also okay to let go of items while cherishing the memories they represent. Your connection to those memories is not tied to the physical object but lives on in your heart and mind.
Will I Actually Use This? - As you sift through your loved one’s belongings, take a moment to consider whether each item will be useful in your daily life. Ask yourself if it serves a practical purpose or if it has the potential to enhance your everyday routine. For instance, kitchen tools that are still in good condition and furniture that fits your home can be valuable additions worth keeping. As you go through your loved one’s belongings, ask yourself if each item will be useful in your daily life. If it’s something practical, like a kitchen tool or furniture, consider keeping it. However, if the item has been unused for years or is no longer functional, it might be time to let it go. Clutter that’s rarely used can take up valuable space and add to the emotional burden, so focus on keeping items that truly serve a purpose. Still struggling? Ask yourself, “Would I still want this if it wasn’t Grandma Frida’s?”
Is It in Good Condition? - Take a close look: Is it still in good shape, or has it become worn out or broken? For items that are functional and in decent condition, consider donating them. These pieces can still be useful to others and can find a new home where they’ll be appreciated. Kitchen gadgets, gently used furniture, or well-maintained tools are all great candidates for donation. However, if you come across items that are no longer usable—such as broken appliances, worn-out clothing, or damaged furniture—it’s usually best to discard them. These items may not be practical to repair or donate and can simply add to the clutter.
Do I Have Room For It? - Start by evaluating your available storage areas and consider how much room you can realistically dedicate to keeping items. This can help you visualize what you can comfortably store and keep your living space manageable. If your storage space is limited, you’ll need to be more selective about what you choose to keep. Prioritize items that hold deep meaning or serve a practical purpose. Cherished keepsakes and functional pieces that enhance your daily life are worth keeping. As you make these decisions, remember that it's not just about the items themselves but about preserving the memories and significance they carry. Be mindful of the emotional weight of clutter. Holding onto too many items can be overwhelming, so focus on what truly brings you comfort and joy. Use storage solutions that help you organize effectively and keep your space orderly. Ultimately, be gentle with yourself as you make these decisions. Balancing emotional attachments with practical considerations can be challenging, but by thoughtfully choosing what to keep and how to store it, you create a space that honors your loved one’s memory while also supporting your own well-being.
Could This Item Help Others? - Consider how each item might bring comfort or joy to others. If something is still in good condition, it could be donated to charities, shelters, thrift stores, or resale shops that need it, extending your loved one’s kindness to those in need. Alternatively, think about how items might be repurposed into something new and meaningful—like upcycling old furniture or turning cherished clothing into keepsakes. This process not only helps you manage their estate but also honors their memory, knowing their possessions continue to touch lives and create positive change.
How Will Letting Go of This Item Affect Me? - When considering whether to discard or donate an item, it’s important to reflect on how this decision will impact you emotionally. Ask yourself how significant the item is to you personally. Does it evoke strong memories or feelings connected to your loved one. Understand that it’s natural to feel a sense of loss or sadness when letting go of something that holds emotional weight. This is a normal part of the grieving process, and it’s okay to acknowledge these feelings. You might find it helpful to take a moment to imagine how you’ll feel after the item is no longer in your possession. Will you feel a sense of relief or sadness? Reassure yourself that it’s okay to take your time with these decisions. Letting go of an item doesn’t mean erasing the memories associated with it. The emotions you feel are valid, and it’s important to honor them. In time, you may find that the memories you cherish will remain with you, even if the physical item is no longer present. Allow yourself to make these decisions gently and with compassion for your own feelings. It will be okay, and you are taking steps towards finding peace amidst the process.
Things to Remember:
Don’t rush it! Take your time with each decision. It’s okay to revisit items and change your mind. The goal is to find a balance between honoring your loved one’s memory and managing practical considerations. Give yourself grace and patience as you work through this process.
You don’t have to do this alone. Dealing with the belongings of a loved one is a deeply personal and emotional task, but you don’t have to do this alone. Enlisting help can make this challenging process way less overwhelming. Consider involving others who knew your loved one well. They may have their own memories and emotional connections to certain items, which can offer valuable insights into what should be preserved. Sharing this responsibility allows for a more collaborative decision-making process, where everyone’s sentiments and preferences are taken into account.
Bringing others into the process can also help alleviate some of the emotional weight you might be carrying. It allows you to share the load and find comfort in each other’s support. Different perspectives can help you see items in a new light and offer fresh ideas on what to keep or let go of. Sometimes, having someone to talk things through with can ease the burden of making difficult choices. They might provide emotional support, practical advice, or simply a listening ear as you navigate through the memories and decisions. Remember, this is a time for coming together and honoring your loved one’s legacy. By involving others, you create a shared experience that acknowledges the importance of the belongings while also helping you find strength and solace in the collective memory.
Getting rid of the item doesn’t mean you’re getting rid of the memory! Letting go of a physical item doesn’t mean you’re losing the memory attached to it. Reflect on each item’s sentimental value, asking yourself if it evokes special memories or holds significance. Remember, the emotional connection resides within you, not the object itself. It’s natural to feel a sense of loss, but taking your time and acknowledging your feelings is a normal part of the process, and the cherished memories will remain with you even if the item doesn’t.
Tip: Use different colors of sticky notes to tag the items that will go with you and those that will go to friends or family members. Color coding things makes it so much easier to remember what goes where!
So what do I do with everything that’s left over?
When you’ve decided what to keep, donate, or discard but still find yourself with items you're unsure about, here’s a thoughtful approach to tackle them:
Revisit Your Earlier Decisions: Ask yourself if any of these items might fit into categories you previously overlooked. Sometimes, an item that seemed ambiguous at first may gain clarity with a fresh perspective. If you're still uncertain, consider setting these items aside for a short period. Giving yourself a little distance can help you reassess their value and decide if they truly have a place in your life or if they’re ready to move on.
Create a “Maybe” Box: Set aside a box for items you’re unsure about. Store it out of sight for a while—weeks or even a few months. Sometimes, giving yourself a break from these items helps clarify their importance or usefulness.
Seek Input from Loved Ones: Share the “maybe” items with family members or close friends who might have personal connections or practical ideas. Their perspectives can offer new insights or help you make a decision.
Share Belongings at the Funeral: Consider using the funeral or memorial service as a special opportunity to share. Bringing cherished items to the service can allow family and friends to take a meaningful memento home. This gesture not only honors your loved one but also gives attendees a way to hold onto a piece of their memory, creating a heartfelt connection and preserving their legacy in a deeply personal way.
Consult a Professional: If you’re still struggling, consider reaching out to a professional organizer. They can provide a fresh perspective and help you navigate the emotional and logistical aspects of managing these belongings.
Organize an Estate Sale: For larger items like furniture, consider hiring an estate sale planner or professional organizer. They can help manage the sale and distribution of items from start to finish. Plus, you’ll get some of the profit from the sale, which can help with estate management costs.
Donate or Dispose of Leftovers: Donate usable items to charity or schedule a pickup service. For items that cannot be donated, arrange for a junk removal service to handle disposal.
Want a Handheld Guide to Bring With You? Try These!
I’m a big fan of paper planners, and these are no exception. Here are five estate management journals and planners that can help you navigate the process of managing an estate, especially when dealing with the belongings of a deceased loved one:
The Estate Planner’s Journal: A Comprehensive Estate Planning Workbook
This journal offers a structured approach to estate planning, including sections for organizing personal information, financial details, and estate instructions. It helps in documenting key decisions and ensuring nothing is overlooked.
My Estate Plan: The Ultimate Estate Planning Workbook
Designed as a practical guide, this workbook covers a range of topics from organizing assets to understanding legal documents. It includes checklists and prompts to help users systematically plan and manage their estate.
The Legacy Planner: Estate Planning Workbook for Families
This planner focuses on family-oriented estate planning. It includes sections for recording family history, important documents, and personal wishes, making it easier to manage and pass on essential information.
The Complete Estate Planning Organizer
This comprehensive organizer helps users gather and keep track of all necessary estate planning documents. It includes prompts for financial accounts, legal documents, and personal wishes, providing a clear and organized way to manage estate matters.
Estate Planning Made Simple: Journal and Organizer
Aimed at simplifying the estate planning process, this journal provides straightforward sections for recording important information and decisions. It includes guides and tips for managing estate-related tasks with ease.
These journals and planners can help you stay organized, make informed decisions, and manage the emotional and logistical aspects of estate planning and management.
